Saturday, November 8, 2008

GAME OF THE WEEK: Little Red Riding Hood's Zombie BBQ

Platform: Nintendo DS
Release: November 6 2008

I love Contra 4. It's an amazing game. I've never beaten Contra 4 (normal mode). It's fucking hard. Why do I love Contra 4? There is a special feeling you get after flawlessly eradicating wave after wave of menacing alien scum. Relentless hordes of shit-eating aliens are trying to stop you from your objective: save motherfuckin' earth, and bone chicks. Of course I've never completed that objective (especially the latter) but the joy of games like Contra does not come from beating an ultimate boss (of course there is one). Rather from annihilating all those that step in the path of your gun and your hate.

Properly made arcade style shooters are definitely few and far between. See: Metal Slug, Alien Hominid. That is why I am so GODDAMN PUMPED! Little Red Riding Hood's Zombie BBQ is so fucking good. FUCK! You are probably thinking "With a name like that how could it be bad?" I was thinking the same thing when I first heard about this glorious golden game, but then I thought "That name is too perfect, there has to be a catch. This must be a joke". But folks, it is no joke. This game is REAL! And I am going to marry it like Pee-wee married fruit salad.

Do you remember in Contra 1 how the 3rd and the 5th levels changed from a side scroller to a top down shooter where you work your way towards the horizon? That is how all of Zombie BBQ plays. Tons of zombies, a variety of weapons, huge bosses. The controls are solid, and very simple. You can shoot, move left or right, duck, and change your weapon. The d-pad takes care of movement, and shooting is managed by the stylus and the touch screen. Sweet fucking christ that's simple.

You can play as Little Red Riding Hood, a machine gun toting fairy tale character, or Momo Taro, a bushido warrior from Japan who throws shurikens. I chose Momo Taro. Your objective is to rid story book land of zombies. Sounds easy enough. IT AINT YOU LITTLE BITCH! SHIT IS HARD AS FUCK! YOU GOTTA KILL KILL KILL! THE THREE LITTLE PIGS ARE GONNA EAT YOUR FUCKING BRAIN AND THE ONLY WAY TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING IS TO GET THAT SAND OUTTA YOUR VAGINA AND FIRE YOUR DAMN WEAPON! It's a really good game.

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